Racerxfactor's Weblog

eneviable denial

racerxfactor — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 07:36:04 +0000

the day can have unsuspecting events, life passes by that fast. Sometimes you feel as though you know someone but something tragic happens in the relation and your perspective changes almost instantaneously. it really takes a martyr to show you who you really are; the kind that inadvertanly imapcts your life, you don’t realize it at first, but when you lose them it hits you like a brick wall but don’t mourn, rejoice in the life that has given you meaning.

Under Appreciated

racerxfactor — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 06:39:01 +0000

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If getting yelled at over my shoulder about how little money I make isn’t enough; making more money goes unnoticed. Making three times as much as she does doesn’t warrant congratulations or appreciation but turns into spending more than her and not getting any appreciation for it. It’s a thankless existence of underappreciated feelings of self loathing because you were never thanked for your contributions.

if that wasn’t enough already; taking care of a paranoid schizophrenic and playing along with their episodes of insanity you’re still not appreciated for making sure she is safe from herself and making sure she is fed and safe in her home that she deemed unsafe and a breeding ground for invasion and espionage.

thanks dad

racerxfactor — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:38:49 +0000

although he was never there, he had a couple of good lessons for me in life. it came off whiney and self loathing, taking no responsibility for it but; looking at it in a different percepective came to realize the slim truth behind it.

Retreat

racerxfactor — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:28:34 +0000

I packed my bag and headed to a retreat in the woods. I took my friend Johnny Walker and headed to Knob Creek where we met up with our friends Jose Cuervo and Morgan who goes by captian. We stayed up telling ghost stories and ate smores till the sun came up.

the diving bell and the butterfly

racerxfactor — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:18:31 +0000

this is a the story of one man who suffered a stroke; paralyzed with only the movement of his right eye manages to write a novel.

written by Jean-Dominique Bauby

the party has to end.

racerxfactor — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 10:45:48 +0000

though you’re tired you want the party to go on. enough is enough, lets not keep each other from resting. you need rest just as much as i need it. i’ll miss you too but that doesn’t mean we’ll never see each other again. sleep. lay your head down and rest. in time I’ll, see you again.

A dream by Harry

racerxfactor — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:32:27 +0000

one day on a walk on the nature trail i spot a coyote in the near distance. reserved he seemed minding his own business at first. i pace walking forward, he reacts!

I let out a great howling bark, he snares. i let out a few more barks, he looks at me with submission. so i bark with fierceness, he shows his fangs and approaches me.

at the first sign of threat i chase after him as though my life depended on it. the chase led into high hills, steep slopes, rivers, pond, through trees and bushes weaving in and out of narrow passage ways until the fox outruns me deep into the forest. I turn back, all there is a cliff, in front of me is a forest i dare not enter. i feel there are evils in that forest. i look back, i see the trail right below the cliff. i race down the cliff escaping the evil in the woods. a sigh of relief was achieved while walking on the trail, the threat was gone and i can run freely. and ran i did, running so fast and free. it is pure bliss, but somethings up ahead. two dark figures walking into dark part of the trail.

I sneak up silently as the two stroll. they are unaware i’m behind them. i run quickly towards them. they seem shocked but they greet me with joy and phrase. after all the running i find my masters are still safe on their journey.

Venting; the purist form of tranquility

racerxfactor — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:13:23 +0000

Need I really say more? Passion and be misinterpreted as complaining. Meditation; in it’s purist can reach serenity, however might be reached in total chaos. Vent because you feel passion.

American Inspiration

racerxfactor — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:52:44 +0000

We are not bound by the tradition of our countrymen. We are inspired by diversity of our Country.

are you here to help?

racerxfactor — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 07:09:27 +0000

help is word thrown around and in this day in age are people out to help each other or to help themselves? i’m a little late for april fools day so i’m not writing this as a joke. i really have to ask that. there have been times some friends have really tried to help me but have shied away thinking that they were out for themselves. quite the opposite when i’m trying to help someone. in turn and in selfishness they take my help and use it solely for themselves. this might sound like a gripe but it’s fact.